Goals Are Not About the Outcome

It’s January 1st.
And just like that... you feel the knot in your stomach.
Here we go again.
Every year around this time, it’s the same thing.
We scroll social media and see everyone declaring their goals.
New routines.
New habits.
Big intentions.
“New year, new me.”

Ugh.

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with setting goals.
I set goals all the time. I also strongly encourage my clients to.

It’s the way goal setting is framed that I find utterly exhausting.
It feels like pressure, not possibility.

Not to mention, by February, most people have completely given up, feeling like a complete
and utter piece of shit.

With that in mind, you may be asking yourself why?
Why do we set goals if they feel like pressure and then we fall off anyway?

Well, firstly some of us don’t.
Some people have given up or never even attempt to set goals at all.

The thought of needing to be perfect and keep up is just too much.

Why even bother than?

Because the end result of the goal was never the point.

The point is intention, attention, and focus.
In short, our minds need something to work on.

In Thinking, Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman explains that we operate in two systems.

One is fast, automatic, and reactive.
This system runs on habit, emotion, and past conditioning.

The other is slower and more deliberate.
It requires intention and attention.

When we don’t give our minds something specific to focus on, we default to the first system.
We run on autopilot.
Old patterns, old beliefs, and old fears begin to decide for us.

Setting a goal forces the mind out of that automatic mode.
It asks us to slow down, pay attention, and make conscious choices.

Back to why they feel so heavy.

The reason is because setting goals has turned into another way to judge ourselves.

If we can’t do it all, and we can’t do it perfectly, like everyone else (or so we think), why even
bother?

Just look at social media.
Everyone else seems to be crushing their goals.

What is wrong with me?

As we know, most of what we see online is curated and not even true.
But that’s not the point.

I always say it doesn’t matter whether the grass is greener on the other side or not.
It’s not your grass.
My point?
Goals were never meant to be a pass-or-fail test.
They were meant to give your mind something to focus on.

Progress counts, even when it doesn’t look like much.

Let’s say you want to write a book and you decide your goal is to write one hour a day.

If you only manage to write for 15 minutes, did you fail?

If you believe you failed because you didn’t complete the hour, you’re missing the point.

If you write 15 minutes a day, you will eventually write a book.
If you write zero minutes a day, there will be no book.

Forward is forward.

You don’t fail because you missed a deadline.
You don’t fail because the plan changed.
You don’t fail because life got messy.

You only fail when you stop moving altogether.

As long as you are taking action, even imperfect, inconsistent, or smaller-than-planned
action, you are still in the process.

Therefore I recommend a gentler approach.

Instead of asking, “Did I hit it or not?” try asking:

Do I still want to do this? (You are allowed to change your mind.)
What got in my way?
What can I do to move forward?

And remember, if you keep moving, even slowly, you will get there eventually.